What is life but a masquerade ball,
where pretense is the rule that masters us all?
It seems that I am alone in having the gall
to tear off my mask, and let it fall.
Suddenly pretenseless, I am defenseless,
ruse-less, tacitly screaming "Abuse this!"
Being maskless, I am by nature tactless,
affrontingly faithless, faceless, raceless.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Main Road - Chapter 5 - The Necklace
So I'm writing a book called The Main Road. Here's one of the semi-completed chapters. Enjoy.
It was my first real gift to her. By real I mean expensive. I was just a kid trying to make it in the world when we got married, so I couldn't afford to get her anything nice. I saved whatever I could from my inadequate paycheck, sometimes a lot and sometimes not. After about a year and a half of saving up and a simple first anniversary, I had enough. Since I had no taste or sense of jewelry, I brought a picture of her with me to the store.
The attendant was really helpful. I spent the whole afternoon in the store learning about the different cuts, stones, symbolisms, and prices. About mid-afternoon, the attendant presented a simple necklace with a platinum ring and a bar holding a small diamond in the middle. When the attendant brought it out from the case, a sparkle of light caught the diamond and reflected into my eyes. In the presence of the momentary blindness, I saw her smile.
I knew this was the one, and looking at the picture, the attendant said it suited. I expressed doubt, not because I wasn’t going to buy it, but because you don't show your cards until you agree on a price. I could afford it, but barely. After a little coaxing by the attendant and skillful bargaining by me, we agreed on a price. I had bought my first real gift to her.
I spent some of the leftover money on a dinner I was going to prepare. I thought about roses, but I just didn't understand them. I decided to keep the leftover money in a fund devoted just to her. I wouldn't use the money for any other purpose. I walked home up the main street, thinking about her smile in my blindness, and how happy she would be. I tried to imagine her with it on, but I couldn't picture it. I guess it would spoil the surprise.
I came home and she was in the back working on the garden. I hid the gift and put the food in the fridge. I went outside and told her to take a nap, wash up, and come down for dinner. I was going to cook today. After the initial reluctance she finally went upstairs. She knew I was up to something, but that was part of the fun. I sang while I prepared dinner, imagining her occasional giggle at my clever lyrics through the sound of the sizzling vegetables.
The smell of the food slowly rose up to her. "I'm going to nap now darling, wake me up when it's time to eat." It was the first time she called me darling. It was probably as enjoyable and flattering to me as it was to her saying it. I laughed heartily. I stopped singing, and meditated on all the good days we had ahead of us, and as much as I couldn't picture it, I thought about her wearing the necklace.
I set the table and went upstairs. I knocked lightly and peeked in. She was fast asleep, a black evening dress laid on the chair next to the bed. I smiled, as now I pictured her standing there in her dress in the soft light of candles. It wasn't a complete picture, but the picture was being filled. I showered and changed.
I awoke her with a kiss and told her to come down in five minutes. She protested. "Thirty. My hair is all messed up from the pillow." The food would've been cold and my mood would’ve been drowned by my hunger. "Ten." and I made my way to the door. A pillow hit me in the back. I turned around and picked it up, facing a lady with a mischievous smile. Normally I would've succumbed to the playfulness, but not today. I walked back to her side with the pillow in hand, my own mischievous smile showing. As she prepared for the worst, I laid it down on her lap. "I'll see you downstairs."
She descended upon a table full of food and candlelight. My words fail to describe her, and so I won’t try. All I could do was smile; I was at a momentary loss for words. Dinner went by with nice conversation, both of us laughing a lot. I don’t remember anything we said during dinner, as I was concentrating on finding the perfect time to present the gift to her. As she took the dishes to the sink, I slipped the box under her napkin. When she returned to the seat, she lifted the napkin and saw it. She looked at me confused. I couldn’t fight smiling. It wasn’t even a charming smile; it was like a little kid that just got candy smile.
She opened the box and her eyes opened wide. She was in shock for about 10 seconds. She closed the case, handed it back to me. “Return it.” My smile faded.
“What?”
“Return it please.” Now it was me in shock.
“You don’t like it?”
“I don’t know what to make of this. I love it, but I can’t accept it.”
I swallowed my pride. I explained to her everything. I told her how I felt like this was something I had to do for her as well as myself. I told her how I saved up, and how it was a reminder to put her before myself. I told her about how I saw her smile in the blindness, and that this necklace belonged to no one except her. “Someone else wearing your smile wouldn’t be fair to you.” is what I said.
After seeing my resolve and considering how she loved it, she accepted it. I let her put it on as I went to go grab a camera. “I had the hardest time imagining you in this necklace, so I’ll take a picture in case I have a hard time remembering in the future.” Besides, I was unable to describe it in words, so a picture would’ve been crucial for describing to people. I took a picture with just her, and then one together. After developing the film, she kept the one with us, and I kept the one with just her. That night was magical.
She didn’t have a jewelry box so she kept the necklace in the box that it came in. She hid it in her drawer, never wearing it. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I got it for her to wear, but she wouldn’t wear it. “It’s too valuable to wear everyday. It’s for special occasions.” she told me. It was hers now, so I let her decide what to do with it, but had it been me, I would’ve worn it everyday.
A while passed and one day I came home to an overturned house and a distressed wife sitting at the kitchen table. My first intuition was that we had been burglarized. I went and consoled her, but she wouldn’t look at me nor allow me to come close to her. “I lost it.” she said repeatedly to me. I didn’t understand what she meant.
The fact that she had to blatantly tell me that she had lost the necklace was probably torture to her. That’s what it took for me to understand what had happened though. It was strange now that I look back on it. Right after she told me, she looked up at me with desperate eyes, alert for any emotion. I remember her words registering in my head, and I fully understood their meaning. But what took precedence were her eyes. They seemed to show genuine fear. Before I could think of anything, my arms were extended towards her.
She withdrew and shielded her head. My arms wrapped around her, and I poured my love into them. She was confused, as was I, but this felt right. My reflexes reacted before I could come to the conclusion myself. Now that my mind caught up, I gently whispered in her ear. “It’s alright. Don’t be scared.” Those words hit home. She became real tense at first, but with each ounce of love poured out, with each passing whisper, she relaxed.
I felt her hands move. They went from protecting her head to wrapping around me. Her feet touched the floor. She stood up and accepted my hug for what it was. I wanted to talk to her and wash away all her concerns, but this was probably not the time for talking. We just held each other.
She loosened her grip and looked at me. Her eyes had changed. She was still slightly scared, but she mostly understood me. She was more important. I put my hand on the back of her head and placed it on my shoulder. I couldn’t say what I had to say staring in her eyes. I don’t know why, but it’s just how I felt at that moment.
In the softest tone I could, I said “You know why I got you the necklace right? The necklace itself is just metal. It’s just a symbol used to convey something. Love. For you, I wanted it to represent my commitment to put you before me. For me, it represented your smile. Now that the necklace is gone, I’ve lost one of your smiles. However, it’s nothing compared to the real thing, and I don’t want to lose that too.” I could feel her smile. I leaned back and saw it. Yeah, it was worth far more than 1.5 years of saving up. The night went late.
Thinking back, it wouldn’t have worked out if I looked at her saying what I said. I don’t know if it would’ve come out the way it did. Instead of concentrating on what I had to say, I would’ve been concentrating on her, her eyes. She would have been scanning my expression instead of concentrating on my words. The moment of preference saved both of us.
It was my first real gift to her. By real I mean expensive. I was just a kid trying to make it in the world when we got married, so I couldn't afford to get her anything nice. I saved whatever I could from my inadequate paycheck, sometimes a lot and sometimes not. After about a year and a half of saving up and a simple first anniversary, I had enough. Since I had no taste or sense of jewelry, I brought a picture of her with me to the store.
The attendant was really helpful. I spent the whole afternoon in the store learning about the different cuts, stones, symbolisms, and prices. About mid-afternoon, the attendant presented a simple necklace with a platinum ring and a bar holding a small diamond in the middle. When the attendant brought it out from the case, a sparkle of light caught the diamond and reflected into my eyes. In the presence of the momentary blindness, I saw her smile.
I knew this was the one, and looking at the picture, the attendant said it suited. I expressed doubt, not because I wasn’t going to buy it, but because you don't show your cards until you agree on a price. I could afford it, but barely. After a little coaxing by the attendant and skillful bargaining by me, we agreed on a price. I had bought my first real gift to her.
I spent some of the leftover money on a dinner I was going to prepare. I thought about roses, but I just didn't understand them. I decided to keep the leftover money in a fund devoted just to her. I wouldn't use the money for any other purpose. I walked home up the main street, thinking about her smile in my blindness, and how happy she would be. I tried to imagine her with it on, but I couldn't picture it. I guess it would spoil the surprise.
I came home and she was in the back working on the garden. I hid the gift and put the food in the fridge. I went outside and told her to take a nap, wash up, and come down for dinner. I was going to cook today. After the initial reluctance she finally went upstairs. She knew I was up to something, but that was part of the fun. I sang while I prepared dinner, imagining her occasional giggle at my clever lyrics through the sound of the sizzling vegetables.
The smell of the food slowly rose up to her. "I'm going to nap now darling, wake me up when it's time to eat." It was the first time she called me darling. It was probably as enjoyable and flattering to me as it was to her saying it. I laughed heartily. I stopped singing, and meditated on all the good days we had ahead of us, and as much as I couldn't picture it, I thought about her wearing the necklace.
I set the table and went upstairs. I knocked lightly and peeked in. She was fast asleep, a black evening dress laid on the chair next to the bed. I smiled, as now I pictured her standing there in her dress in the soft light of candles. It wasn't a complete picture, but the picture was being filled. I showered and changed.
I awoke her with a kiss and told her to come down in five minutes. She protested. "Thirty. My hair is all messed up from the pillow." The food would've been cold and my mood would’ve been drowned by my hunger. "Ten." and I made my way to the door. A pillow hit me in the back. I turned around and picked it up, facing a lady with a mischievous smile. Normally I would've succumbed to the playfulness, but not today. I walked back to her side with the pillow in hand, my own mischievous smile showing. As she prepared for the worst, I laid it down on her lap. "I'll see you downstairs."
She descended upon a table full of food and candlelight. My words fail to describe her, and so I won’t try. All I could do was smile; I was at a momentary loss for words. Dinner went by with nice conversation, both of us laughing a lot. I don’t remember anything we said during dinner, as I was concentrating on finding the perfect time to present the gift to her. As she took the dishes to the sink, I slipped the box under her napkin. When she returned to the seat, she lifted the napkin and saw it. She looked at me confused. I couldn’t fight smiling. It wasn’t even a charming smile; it was like a little kid that just got candy smile.
She opened the box and her eyes opened wide. She was in shock for about 10 seconds. She closed the case, handed it back to me. “Return it.” My smile faded.
“What?”
“Return it please.” Now it was me in shock.
“You don’t like it?”
“I don’t know what to make of this. I love it, but I can’t accept it.”
I swallowed my pride. I explained to her everything. I told her how I felt like this was something I had to do for her as well as myself. I told her how I saved up, and how it was a reminder to put her before myself. I told her about how I saw her smile in the blindness, and that this necklace belonged to no one except her. “Someone else wearing your smile wouldn’t be fair to you.” is what I said.
After seeing my resolve and considering how she loved it, she accepted it. I let her put it on as I went to go grab a camera. “I had the hardest time imagining you in this necklace, so I’ll take a picture in case I have a hard time remembering in the future.” Besides, I was unable to describe it in words, so a picture would’ve been crucial for describing to people. I took a picture with just her, and then one together. After developing the film, she kept the one with us, and I kept the one with just her. That night was magical.
She didn’t have a jewelry box so she kept the necklace in the box that it came in. She hid it in her drawer, never wearing it. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I got it for her to wear, but she wouldn’t wear it. “It’s too valuable to wear everyday. It’s for special occasions.” she told me. It was hers now, so I let her decide what to do with it, but had it been me, I would’ve worn it everyday.
A while passed and one day I came home to an overturned house and a distressed wife sitting at the kitchen table. My first intuition was that we had been burglarized. I went and consoled her, but she wouldn’t look at me nor allow me to come close to her. “I lost it.” she said repeatedly to me. I didn’t understand what she meant.
The fact that she had to blatantly tell me that she had lost the necklace was probably torture to her. That’s what it took for me to understand what had happened though. It was strange now that I look back on it. Right after she told me, she looked up at me with desperate eyes, alert for any emotion. I remember her words registering in my head, and I fully understood their meaning. But what took precedence were her eyes. They seemed to show genuine fear. Before I could think of anything, my arms were extended towards her.
She withdrew and shielded her head. My arms wrapped around her, and I poured my love into them. She was confused, as was I, but this felt right. My reflexes reacted before I could come to the conclusion myself. Now that my mind caught up, I gently whispered in her ear. “It’s alright. Don’t be scared.” Those words hit home. She became real tense at first, but with each ounce of love poured out, with each passing whisper, she relaxed.
I felt her hands move. They went from protecting her head to wrapping around me. Her feet touched the floor. She stood up and accepted my hug for what it was. I wanted to talk to her and wash away all her concerns, but this was probably not the time for talking. We just held each other.
She loosened her grip and looked at me. Her eyes had changed. She was still slightly scared, but she mostly understood me. She was more important. I put my hand on the back of her head and placed it on my shoulder. I couldn’t say what I had to say staring in her eyes. I don’t know why, but it’s just how I felt at that moment.
In the softest tone I could, I said “You know why I got you the necklace right? The necklace itself is just metal. It’s just a symbol used to convey something. Love. For you, I wanted it to represent my commitment to put you before me. For me, it represented your smile. Now that the necklace is gone, I’ve lost one of your smiles. However, it’s nothing compared to the real thing, and I don’t want to lose that too.” I could feel her smile. I leaned back and saw it. Yeah, it was worth far more than 1.5 years of saving up. The night went late.
Thinking back, it wouldn’t have worked out if I looked at her saying what I said. I don’t know if it would’ve come out the way it did. Instead of concentrating on what I had to say, I would’ve been concentrating on her, her eyes. She would have been scanning my expression instead of concentrating on my words. The moment of preference saved both of us.
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