silence

i reach for the pen which slips out and it is only next to my knuckle but i can reach it and i reach out and have it in my hand and then my arm is so lonely i am so lonely my arm has nothing to write. but what is there to say for if there is nothing to say then why say nothing for there is nothing to say so i should say nothing which is not saying at all but rather just not the action of saying which is silence, yes there is silence when i am alone like this and i can write down things to fill that silence but there will still be silence even though i fill it in with my thoughts over and over but you are the one who needs to fill my head with thoughts so i can fill the silence yes you but you are not can not be the one to fill my head with thoughts so that i can fill the silence which is never filled until my head is always being filled by you

what was it was doing again i don't remember what it was i was doing was i going to do something with my hand holding this pen was it drawing or maybe writing yes it was speaking to fill this silence

this silence

this silence

this silence


foolishness! because my head is empty so i cannot ever fill this silence despite my longing my desire my yearning to fill it because this silence what is it i can hear the sounds and i can see the sights but my soul wanders it wonders where is anything this is not an oasis my soul needs to drink from something it leaves me thirsty and i wish i had that bottle of water but it is late too late yes too late to get it but i will go and get it anyway because i am thirsty but it is too late but i will get it



water drink never satisfies though my tongue and throat were parched and i knew they wanted water when i give it to them they are not happy and want more but it is never enough no never enough for that thirst is like a silence to them is like the silence to me to my soul but if you were here i would fill that silence with thoughts instead of speaking this way but if my tongue and my throat are never satisfied with that water that they crave and i crave i take a sip and it is cool but not enough then how will my soul be satisfied with you can you even satisfy my soul with what you can give is it enough for my soul for my thirst for my silence for my mind for my thoughts for my soul for my soul for my soul for my soul

for the silence

where was i i must have been here in this darkness it is night so late should i sleep it does not matter i can enjoy this time to fill the silence because i hate this silence i hate it I HATE IT but i am still thirsty still for you who can never satisfy my thirst just like that water can not satisfy my thirst but it does make me need to urinate the collection of that water in my abdomen there is a distraction yes i do need distractions they distract from my distractions from the silence

what is enough for my soul what is enough for this silence is it not you am i looking for the wrong things am i only distracting myself is this water only but not wine and do i even know what wine is this analogy is not enough is not enough for the silence it is not just silence i am lonely i need you i need you are you enough i need you



yes, but maybe i need you because you need me and my head is not empty i have thoughts they are for you but also they are for us and i can give you thoughts and you can give me thoughts but then we need thoughts from a place that has more thoughts and a lot of thoughts and a flood of thoughts more thoughts than i can think than i can know because that is where my thoughts lie and that is where your thoughts lie and that is where we will lie when there is no more silence.