LNYF Skit: The Story of Tigerman and the GG Squad.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I hate trains
For me to be able to write something that I like, I have to be in the right mood. Unfortunately, it is usually a semi-depressed, highly introspective mood that gets my mind flowing.
I deleted (equivalent of tearing up) the script that I was writing for LNYF today, because it had no heart. Sure it was funny and happy, but to me it lacked value. I sought to induce a mood of self-depression and introspection today. The ordeal took me from 6pm to now.
The method of choice was to read the synopsis of as many Wang Kar Wai films and to revisit the plots of some of the more depressing stories/movies I've read/seen over the years (ea. Grave of Fireflies). After about two hours, I thought of something brilliant.
The new mail sorter that finds a collection of old letters the post office has been keeping because it can't be delivered and there is no return address. They are ordered by a simple rubber band, and the letters all come from same pen. Where it goes from there is lost to me. I don't think I could develop it anymore. I threw that sheet of paper into the recycle bin.
I stumbled across this movie that I had never heard of before. The title screamed "sentimental" and I ate it up. After watching it for an hour, I have induced the sadness that I need to write, but I don't want to. The simplicity of a missed exchange or the meekness of both parties can tear lives apart. Wanting to make a move but never doing so is like wanting to live but not taking a step forward. It pains me to see such deep desire hindered by self-depreciation and fear.
The mere tug of a shirt is not enough sometimes. Silent tears fall without meaning.
I hate trains.
Trains allow too much time for thought. One gets on to visit his childhood sweetheart, but thinks too much on the train. One gets on the train to return home and is brainwashed by another passenger on the train. Two people cross train tracks and feel the connection as the rails come down and trains pass. One looks back and waits. The other walks away.
It really strikes me how words can be so beautiful when carefully chosen.
I deleted (equivalent of tearing up) the script that I was writing for LNYF today, because it had no heart. Sure it was funny and happy, but to me it lacked value. I sought to induce a mood of self-depression and introspection today. The ordeal took me from 6pm to now.
The method of choice was to read the synopsis of as many Wang Kar Wai films and to revisit the plots of some of the more depressing stories/movies I've read/seen over the years (ea. Grave of Fireflies). After about two hours, I thought of something brilliant.
The new mail sorter that finds a collection of old letters the post office has been keeping because it can't be delivered and there is no return address. They are ordered by a simple rubber band, and the letters all come from same pen. Where it goes from there is lost to me. I don't think I could develop it anymore. I threw that sheet of paper into the recycle bin.
I stumbled across this movie that I had never heard of before. The title screamed "sentimental" and I ate it up. After watching it for an hour, I have induced the sadness that I need to write, but I don't want to. The simplicity of a missed exchange or the meekness of both parties can tear lives apart. Wanting to make a move but never doing so is like wanting to live but not taking a step forward. It pains me to see such deep desire hindered by self-depreciation and fear.
The mere tug of a shirt is not enough sometimes. Silent tears fall without meaning.
I hate trains.
Trains allow too much time for thought. One gets on to visit his childhood sweetheart, but thinks too much on the train. One gets on the train to return home and is brainwashed by another passenger on the train. Two people cross train tracks and feel the connection as the rails come down and trains pass. One looks back and waits. The other walks away.
It really strikes me how words can be so beautiful when carefully chosen.
a self-evaluation (for college students) #1
let's take a moment to examine ourselves. this is for those of us that have grown accustomed to the college life. i have appropriately tainted everything with my bias.
the day typically begins with waking up. sometimes the day begins with a strange dream from which you wake, but regardless, all days begin with waking save those during which you do not wake. is your mind awake? if not, try again: go back to the previous sentence. what do you think about first? do you debate going back to sleep? do you consider each little task to complete during the entire day? do you fall somewhere in-between, knowing what is for breakfast but not dinner? (think now: what does how you start your day say about how you're starting your life? are you taking things one step at a time? do you go with the flow? are you rigid? do you know where you'll be 5 years from now? is knowing part of being responsible?)
you rise. perhaps you urinate first. perhaps you brush. perhaps you shower. most of us dress. what do you consider when you dress? are you more concerned with looking good or feeling good? are you choosing between free t-shirts or are you considering which hat would go best with the top? is your mismatched outfit deliberate? do you put on make up? what is a sarong, anyway? (think now: what does your style of dress say about your concerns? evaluate: just how independent of a person are you?)
some of us eat breakfast. some of us check our emails before moving out. you walk (or drive, or bike) to class. let's say for the sake of our evaluating that you walk to class. how do you walk to class? do you move briskly, or do you stroll along? do you wave hello to everybody you know, or do you hope to see nobody you know? do you listen to music, or do you move in silence? are you wondering what the people you don't know think of you as you pass by, or are you wondering about just how late you're going to be if you don't pick up the pace? (think now: what does your preferred interaction with friends along the way say about your preferred social setting? what does your preference for music or silence say about how much thinking or not thinking you're doing? what does your daily performance strutting to class or daily jog to class say about your concerns? just how much do you think about yourself, anyway?)
let's say you get to class. did you bring a laptop to class? if so, is it to perform the previously mentioned activities instead of paying attention, or are you actually taking notes? speaking of notes, do you take notes because everybody does it, or are you actually listening? or are you sleeping? did you sleep early the night before so you could stay awake, or was that time spent catching up to the material you slept through already? is there even such a thing as catching up for you? do you understand the material, or are you just getting by to get by? did you skip this step of your day? more specific: do you actually care about the economics of sub-Saharan Africa, or do you just fancy yourself sophisticated? is psychology actually going to become useful for you, ever? do tensors matter? what is a caesura? (think now: what does bringing your laptop to class really do for you? what does your note-taking style (or lack thereof) say about your learning strategy? what does your level of preparation for class say about your understanding of the impact of each and every class on your future? what impact does each and every class have on your future?)
at some point, you eat. or not. but let's say you do. what do you eat? do you eat healthy? do you eat healthy to say something, or do you eat healthy so you can say something? or do you eat healthy because eating healthy is good for you? (why exactly is eating healthy good for you, anyway? on the flip side, replace healthy in the previous several sentences with unhealthy) regardless, eating is a communal thing. or is it. do you choose between eating alone or with people, or do you choose between eating with this group or that group? does it matter to you who you are seen eating with? would you prefer to be in the sole company of an attractive girl, or would you prefer to be in the company of several close guys? (ladies, reverse it.) what do you think of people that make the opposite choice? do you always eat with the same people, or do you find something new, always something new? (think now: do you even enjoy that tofu-burger? what is a few more pounds, anyway? what does your diet say about what is important to you? what does your company say about what you value?)
perhaps you return for more classes. what do you do after classes? study at the library? find your friends to hang with? retreat back to your humble abode? are you worried about the work you have to do, or are you just tired of thinking about academics? do you follow a normal routine or do you do whatever comes to mind? are there meetings and whatnot that you must attend, or are there events and planning to do that you look forward to? if not, do you find the nearest computer terminal and diligently check 3 different social networking sites? do you read the news, and if so, are you reading world news, politics, technology, business, fashion, sports, or the funnies? do read to learn or do you read to be entertained? maybe you read nothing. (think now: what do your after class activities say about your attitude toward classes and learning? about your attitude toward social activeness: apathetic? if you do check too many social networking sites or if you live by any one social networking site, why is it so appealing? what did people do without those sites? how is it that you unwind, and why do you need unwinding after a few hours of class?)
some of us do schoolwork. eventually, we all do some schoolwork, or else we would cease to be here. but some of us also don't do schoolwork on any given day. do you do work all the time, some of the time, or none of the time? is work something to be done sooner or later? if sooner, what drives you to work diligently? if later, what distracts you from working diligently? (think now: if diligent and work are never in the same thought for you, why not? what does your work ethic say about your attitude for your future? what does your work ethic say about you and instant gratification? do you have patience? do you have maturity? is your attitude toward work about excuses or about sweat?)
let's ignore social things. that's another whole thing on its own.
maybe you eat again. that was covered. maybe you fiddle around some more. eventually we go to sleep again (unless we're catching up, but that was covered as well). when do you sleep? do you sleep when you are tired, sleep when you are afraid of not sleeping, or sleep when everybody else has gone to sleep? if you sleep when you are tired, are you tired at 10pm or 2am? or 3am? or 4am? if you sleep for fear, do you not sleep at a fixed time, or do you just get up at different times every day? do you sleep when nobody else is left because you were squeezing out the last drop of attention from everybody else? do you sleep well, or do you sleep fitfully? (think now: if sleeping is a chore for you, when are you going to grow old already? sheesh. what does the trigger for your sleep say about the value you place in sleep? just how valuable is sleep anyway? remember that a human must breath, eat, and sleep in order to stay alive. if you can't sleep well, what keeps you up at night? if you sleep well, is it because you have something warm inside, or is it because you're just dead tired?)
and some of us dream. do you dream? (think now: do you dream?)
perhaps some summary questions: what is important enough to you that it changes your daily schedule? do you offer yourself time to think and evaluate yourself? are you growing into a responsible adult?
the day typically begins with waking up. sometimes the day begins with a strange dream from which you wake, but regardless, all days begin with waking save those during which you do not wake. is your mind awake? if not, try again: go back to the previous sentence. what do you think about first? do you debate going back to sleep? do you consider each little task to complete during the entire day? do you fall somewhere in-between, knowing what is for breakfast but not dinner? (think now: what does how you start your day say about how you're starting your life? are you taking things one step at a time? do you go with the flow? are you rigid? do you know where you'll be 5 years from now? is knowing part of being responsible?)
you rise. perhaps you urinate first. perhaps you brush. perhaps you shower. most of us dress. what do you consider when you dress? are you more concerned with looking good or feeling good? are you choosing between free t-shirts or are you considering which hat would go best with the top? is your mismatched outfit deliberate? do you put on make up? what is a sarong, anyway? (think now: what does your style of dress say about your concerns? evaluate: just how independent of a person are you?)
some of us eat breakfast. some of us check our emails before moving out. you walk (or drive, or bike) to class. let's say for the sake of our evaluating that you walk to class. how do you walk to class? do you move briskly, or do you stroll along? do you wave hello to everybody you know, or do you hope to see nobody you know? do you listen to music, or do you move in silence? are you wondering what the people you don't know think of you as you pass by, or are you wondering about just how late you're going to be if you don't pick up the pace? (think now: what does your preferred interaction with friends along the way say about your preferred social setting? what does your preference for music or silence say about how much thinking or not thinking you're doing? what does your daily performance strutting to class or daily jog to class say about your concerns? just how much do you think about yourself, anyway?)
let's say you get to class. did you bring a laptop to class? if so, is it to perform the previously mentioned activities instead of paying attention, or are you actually taking notes? speaking of notes, do you take notes because everybody does it, or are you actually listening? or are you sleeping? did you sleep early the night before so you could stay awake, or was that time spent catching up to the material you slept through already? is there even such a thing as catching up for you? do you understand the material, or are you just getting by to get by? did you skip this step of your day? more specific: do you actually care about the economics of sub-Saharan Africa, or do you just fancy yourself sophisticated? is psychology actually going to become useful for you, ever? do tensors matter? what is a caesura? (think now: what does bringing your laptop to class really do for you? what does your note-taking style (or lack thereof) say about your learning strategy? what does your level of preparation for class say about your understanding of the impact of each and every class on your future? what impact does each and every class have on your future?)
at some point, you eat. or not. but let's say you do. what do you eat? do you eat healthy? do you eat healthy to say something, or do you eat healthy so you can say something? or do you eat healthy because eating healthy is good for you? (why exactly is eating healthy good for you, anyway? on the flip side, replace healthy in the previous several sentences with unhealthy) regardless, eating is a communal thing. or is it. do you choose between eating alone or with people, or do you choose between eating with this group or that group? does it matter to you who you are seen eating with? would you prefer to be in the sole company of an attractive girl, or would you prefer to be in the company of several close guys? (ladies, reverse it.) what do you think of people that make the opposite choice? do you always eat with the same people, or do you find something new, always something new? (think now: do you even enjoy that tofu-burger? what is a few more pounds, anyway? what does your diet say about what is important to you? what does your company say about what you value?)
perhaps you return for more classes. what do you do after classes? study at the library? find your friends to hang with? retreat back to your humble abode? are you worried about the work you have to do, or are you just tired of thinking about academics? do you follow a normal routine or do you do whatever comes to mind? are there meetings and whatnot that you must attend, or are there events and planning to do that you look forward to? if not, do you find the nearest computer terminal and diligently check 3 different social networking sites? do you read the news, and if so, are you reading world news, politics, technology, business, fashion, sports, or the funnies? do read to learn or do you read to be entertained? maybe you read nothing. (think now: what do your after class activities say about your attitude toward classes and learning? about your attitude toward social activeness: apathetic? if you do check too many social networking sites or if you live by any one social networking site, why is it so appealing? what did people do without those sites? how is it that you unwind, and why do you need unwinding after a few hours of class?)
some of us do schoolwork. eventually, we all do some schoolwork, or else we would cease to be here. but some of us also don't do schoolwork on any given day. do you do work all the time, some of the time, or none of the time? is work something to be done sooner or later? if sooner, what drives you to work diligently? if later, what distracts you from working diligently? (think now: if diligent and work are never in the same thought for you, why not? what does your work ethic say about your attitude for your future? what does your work ethic say about you and instant gratification? do you have patience? do you have maturity? is your attitude toward work about excuses or about sweat?)
let's ignore social things. that's another whole thing on its own.
maybe you eat again. that was covered. maybe you fiddle around some more. eventually we go to sleep again (unless we're catching up, but that was covered as well). when do you sleep? do you sleep when you are tired, sleep when you are afraid of not sleeping, or sleep when everybody else has gone to sleep? if you sleep when you are tired, are you tired at 10pm or 2am? or 3am? or 4am? if you sleep for fear, do you not sleep at a fixed time, or do you just get up at different times every day? do you sleep when nobody else is left because you were squeezing out the last drop of attention from everybody else? do you sleep well, or do you sleep fitfully? (think now: if sleeping is a chore for you, when are you going to grow old already? sheesh. what does the trigger for your sleep say about the value you place in sleep? just how valuable is sleep anyway? remember that a human must breath, eat, and sleep in order to stay alive. if you can't sleep well, what keeps you up at night? if you sleep well, is it because you have something warm inside, or is it because you're just dead tired?)
and some of us dream. do you dream? (think now: do you dream?)
perhaps some summary questions: what is important enough to you that it changes your daily schedule? do you offer yourself time to think and evaluate yourself? are you growing into a responsible adult?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
WTF man. This is messed up.
I didn’t even know this girl well.
However, because of my present state, something of value had to have been placed on her. I can walk past the most beautiful woman and not be drawn to her. I can pass Jesus on the sidewalk and not give a glance. How would this girl that I don’t know well, that isn’t the most beautiful person in the world, one that I don’t wish to spend the rest of my life with or even see benefit from friendship… how did this girl acquire some value to me?
That is the question that I need the answer to.
However, because of my present state, something of value had to have been placed on her. I can walk past the most beautiful woman and not be drawn to her. I can pass Jesus on the sidewalk and not give a glance. How would this girl that I don’t know well, that isn’t the most beautiful person in the world, one that I don’t wish to spend the rest of my life with or even see benefit from friendship… how did this girl acquire some value to me?
That is the question that I need the answer to.
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